if you have ever wondered.
suicidal contemplation is antagonizing.
I did many different things this week.
Crossed all the items of my bucket list off. Had sex with strangers. Saw things i've wanted.
Tackled the hardest climb of my life.


And it still. feels so dead inside.
Last night I sat staring at my arm. it was wrapped up, ready to inject this shit ready to just end my existence once and for all. But then I guess I fell asleep, and I saw her.

She said "Don't do it Babe. Don't. You need to finish what I started please baby, I can't have anyone else suffer like this..."
And then..
I dunno I chickeed out.


I'm drunk.
I'm drunk I'm confused.
I don't know what my life is. I got fired from my job for the week I took off.
I have nothing.
Adam is gone. His house is emptied and everyone is gone.


Look.
Guys.
If anyone still reads this.

I don't want to be alone when I end it.
Can...someone message me?
My skype is MattTob15..
I just don't want to be alone.